Today is 25 November and, as happens punctually every year, a beacon has brought one of the darkest scourges of our society back into focus: violence against women. The day was created to say enough is enough, to leave no more room for silence, to scream that it is not acceptable for a woman to suffer abuse, threats and violence. Yet as mobilisation grows and campaigns raise awareness, there is a subtle but real risk: reducing everything to a purely symbolic ritual, without addressing the cultural roots of a structural and deeply rooted violence.

There are even those who used the issue, in campaigning for the municipal elections, to prove that they exist.

Patience, the good thing is that, at least, they talk about it.

Meanwhile, Istat estimates that 31.9 per cent of Italian women between the ages of 16 and 75 have experienced physical or sexual violence at least once in their lives.

The most serious forms – assaults, rape, ill-treatment – often occur within the family, perpetrated by partners or ex-partners , with devastating effects on dignity, freedom, and life itself. In the latest data, hospital admissions for women victims of violence and emergency room admissions are increasing, showing that many of them live in a state of constant threat. And we cannot forget the murders: according to the Ministry of the Interior, a large proportion of women killed are by partners or ex-partners.

While it is right that 25 November should remain a moment of strong and clear denunciation against violence against women, it is equally important not to forget another truth that is often silenced: men can also be victims of violence. This is not to minimise the very serious women’s problem – which is certainly the most dramatic and systematic part – but to recognise that the phenomenon of gender-based violence is complex, and suffering does not always have the same face and does not lead everyone to denounce it.

The other side of the coin: violence against men

It is a taboo that weighs heavily and many men do not speak out, even when they suffer psychological, economic, verbal aggression, harassment or even physical assault. Because the dominant culture has forged the idea that ‘men must be strong’, that ‘they cannot show weakness’. For this reason, those who suffer violence may fear not only being ridiculed, but also losing credibility, being mistaken for being too sensitive or passive: an image that contradicts the archetype of the dominant man. Despite this, the reality is different. According to the latest Istat data, on voluntary homicides in 2023, there were 334 victims, of which 217 were men.

With regard to harassment (last 3 years), Istat shows that 1.0% of men said they had experienced harassment, compared to 4.2% of women.

Talking about male violence against women on 25 November does not mean diverting attention from the very serious problem of feminicide or violence against women. Rather, it means taking a more comprehensive and mature view of gender-based violence. We must honour all victims because this is not a competition, but to recognise that those who suffer violence have the right to be heard, protected, helped, regardless of gender.

25 November must be a daily commitment. We must continue to fight to end violence against women, we must because women’s lives are threatened, destroyed. But we must also open our eyes to those who often remain in the shadows, who are the men who suffer as much violence but remain silent.

Giving them a voice does not affect the tragedy experienced by women, nor does it lessen the seriousness of feminicide.

It is, on the contrary, a principle of civilised coexistence.